A Random, Yet Connected Love Story

He was the love of my life. Two decades ago, at the young age of 20.  I first experienced the intense passion, love, intimacy and "I can't be without you" feeling. He was a Tallahassee college student, I was a Gainesville one.  Total rivals. And not the last rival love I would experience. He had the body that felt like a Ken Barbie doll-like none I had experienced. He drew me in.  He enamored me. He romanced me. We traveled and lived life together. But  for two Leo's as a couple, we knew it was never a sustainable love. Everyone knew. But the intensity of our attraction was more than anyone could ever impact, despite their warnings.  But as expected, eventually, and as it should have been, the relationship found closure.

I loved two more times. With men that have changed my life forever and made me who I am today. I have NO regrets. Though some might judge. As always happens.

I must admit my dream was different…Do I wish I could have had the 1 time marriage with kids and not 2 divorces and 2 life threatening miscarriages?=ABSOLUTELY!

But that was not the hand I was dealt. For so many years I have been working on embracing all the goodness I have been gifted, despite the fact it didn't look like what I expected or hoped for.  I did want the husband and kids FaceBook profile and cover photo pics with family vacations.

At any age, and I mean at any age,you may eventually find what completes you.  I hate to sound so Jerry Maguire-ish, but it's appropriate.

I am turning 40 in a day.  These kind of personal milestones prompt reflection on your past decade and thoughts and intentions of where you want to be in the next one.  It's both a painful and beautiful, yet a worthwhile and valuable experience.

It's funny, 2 decades later, I now am in love with a man that exudes the same intense passion, love and intimacy that I had at 20. More ironically, he is an alumni to Auburn, the "loser" to the 2013 national championship game with FSU (which was a bet I won by the way...)

And now I also benefit from his maturity, stability, loyalty, spontaneity, humbleness, playfulness, flirtyness , and "teenageness" that I never knew I was missing. But oh was I !!!! The joy of aging.  It's not just good with wine. Women do get smarter and better!!

We take long walks together. We ride our bikes 30+miles, we drink beer and wine, we cook together(meaning I cook and he watches), we run errands (and I actually enjoy it), he attempts  to run (kinda),  he rides his bike so slowly he could fall (while I run), I watch him paint, I consult him on his grilling techniques, he gets gas, he does the grocery runs while sending pics of items to be sure they are what I want, he runs to Walgreens at 3:00am when I am sick, and sits by my side in any doctors visit or procedure.

Ain't it funny when you have the time and space to reflect that you remember and recognize that the man of your dreams is a combination of the loves of your life. And that while those past loves might not have been who you should spend your life and die with...  They served a super special purpose. And you will forever love and appreciate them.  And if you don't you would be ignoring the uniqueness of how you became you.

So to those who helped make me, me.... And especially to those who facilitated me meeting my best friend, fan, coach and love of my life-THANK YOU.   My life has been changed. And I now firmly believe that HOPE is a worthwhile energy.