A Random, Yet Connected Love Story

He was the love of my life. Two decades ago, at the young age of 20.  I first experienced the intense passion, love, intimacy and "I can't be without you" feeling. He was a Tallahassee college student, I was a Gainesville one.  Total rivals. And not the last rival love I would experience. He had the body that felt like a Ken Barbie doll-like none I had experienced. He drew me in.  He enamored me. He romanced me. We traveled and lived life together. But  for two Leo's as a couple, we knew it was never a sustainable love. Everyone knew. But the intensity of our attraction was more than anyone could ever impact, despite their warnings.  But as expected, eventually, and as it should have been, the relationship found closure.

I loved two more times. With men that have changed my life forever and made me who I am today. I have NO regrets. Though some might judge. As always happens.

I must admit my dream was different…Do I wish I could have had the 1 time marriage with kids and not 2 divorces and 2 life threatening miscarriages?=ABSOLUTELY!

But that was not the hand I was dealt. For so many years I have been working on embracing all the goodness I have been gifted, despite the fact it didn't look like what I expected or hoped for.  I did want the husband and kids FaceBook profile and cover photo pics with family vacations.

At any age, and I mean at any age,you may eventually find what completes you.  I hate to sound so Jerry Maguire-ish, but it's appropriate.

I am turning 40 in a day.  These kind of personal milestones prompt reflection on your past decade and thoughts and intentions of where you want to be in the next one.  It's both a painful and beautiful, yet a worthwhile and valuable experience.

It's funny, 2 decades later, I now am in love with a man that exudes the same intense passion, love and intimacy that I had at 20. More ironically, he is an alumni to Auburn, the "loser" to the 2013 national championship game with FSU (which was a bet I won by the way...)

And now I also benefit from his maturity, stability, loyalty, spontaneity, humbleness, playfulness, flirtyness , and "teenageness" that I never knew I was missing. But oh was I !!!! The joy of aging.  It's not just good with wine. Women do get smarter and better!!

We take long walks together. We ride our bikes 30+miles, we drink beer and wine, we cook together(meaning I cook and he watches), we run errands (and I actually enjoy it), he attempts  to run (kinda),  he rides his bike so slowly he could fall (while I run), I watch him paint, I consult him on his grilling techniques, he gets gas, he does the grocery runs while sending pics of items to be sure they are what I want, he runs to Walgreens at 3:00am when I am sick, and sits by my side in any doctors visit or procedure.

Ain't it funny when you have the time and space to reflect that you remember and recognize that the man of your dreams is a combination of the loves of your life. And that while those past loves might not have been who you should spend your life and die with...  They served a super special purpose. And you will forever love and appreciate them.  And if you don't you would be ignoring the uniqueness of how you became you.

So to those who helped make me, me.... And especially to those who facilitated me meeting my best friend, fan, coach and love of my life-THANK YOU.   My life has been changed. And I now firmly believe that HOPE is a worthwhile energy.

Why does life have to be so complicated?

Why does life have to be so complicated even though we watch butterflies, rainbows, and blue skies?

YES,  I think life is not just about who you meet and what you do…  It is about how the people that you have the gift of meeting, engaging, loving, endearing…

That is life… Is not  just about people… It is about experiences. Which brought me to the love of my life…. A day on a boat will change your life…That is what makes us, us………………

So, as a 39 year old it is not fun to have health challenges over the last several months…For someone my age, I would expect these complications to weigh me down much later in life (such as menopause) Laying in bed with concerns undiagnosed… It has been frustrating..

Between ObamaCare, changing or finding doctors that I have worked with , or researching on the web, and struggling with the various western doctors and methods was exhausting… to an understatement. 

That said I found vibrant health through alternative medicine and getting to the root of medical challenges, healing them, not just treating them. Understanding eastern and western medicine.

I choose to focus on the positive.  So today brought that whole vision together.  I found myself at my 4^th follow up appointment at my now,  new gynocologlist that I am meeting for the first time after 3 visits. This is the beauty of Western Medicince… Gotta love those Nurse Practicioners' invading space I only allow my most coveted men (or man)….  They are as intense, compassionate, and qualified yet lack the fair pay, and let me say most are women…. My NP was incredible.

Do not get me started on the 2 months I spent trying to solidify the upgraded plan that I paid more for, so I could have care from trusted doctors.  

So here I am, listening to a gum smacking, tooth popping, burbing chick, even though well  dressed ,and needing the same invasive exams as I, yet she sat there as impatient as I am .Making me more anxious and wondering when this doctor will finally see me… And will this encounter relieve me of the question and yearning I feel for Tim and Timontin (My name for him).

I should start by saying that I spent 17 years with my first gynecologist, the one who my mother still sees, and the one who delivered my two younger brothers, whom I adore…

That said, now pressing against the gauntlet of my next decade, with complicated heath challenges and not living close to my doc for frequent visits,, I finally decided to switch gynecologists. As also advised by my primary doctor, family, and friends even though he was someone who had handled many of my many complications.

So while my new doctor,  who fondly knew my first and only gynecologist, who performed 2 surgeries for endometriosis and was there for me through two miscarriages, I still questioned the desire to explore a new-age female doctor who would find the formula that would be the cure-all.

And so here I am, advised that other than surgery I have no option other than birth control to manage my endometriosis that leads to cervical or ovarian cancer…  Birth control reduces sexual interest, increases weight gain, nausea….And that interrupts my daily spontaneity.

I am sorry… I am in a healthy sexual and lovely relationship that I do not need birth control with. I cannot, nor my partner wants to have children. I get the chemical benefits doctors try to convince me of: reduced cysts, regular periods, less bleeding, decreased cramps, but they are actually trying to convince me into a drug that would take away from the beautiful relationship I now have. And many of the benefits I already experience.

I am not shut off to these potential benefits. But I am super committed to exploring what could benefit my body naturally. Thank you Western medicine. You keep us alive… That said I want to stay healthy each day if I can with natural remedies that will stimulate growth and strength.

So I walk, I run, I ride, I love, I cook, I eat, I love…